Church Child Forum Feedback

The following topics emerged from the two sessions at the January conference as the ‘wish list’ for an in depth consultation on the theme. Under each is a summary of the discussion relating to that topic:

Including and affirming children in the church community
Some felt despair that churches continue to work with models of separation and considered that positive memories were more likely to be created when all ages were together. When children saw themselves as only members of an age-related group it was easier for them to leave. Others considered that there is value in some times of separation – families do not spend all their time all together. A positive attitude from leaders and the whole church towards children is vital in keeping children – the church is one of the few places remaining for cross-age friendships to develop.

Ministry training
Much of this is training for adult ministry – the colleges don’t stress the need to consider the needs of children and youth alongside adults. Ministers do not all need to be great children’s pastors, but they do need to be trained to regard all ages as equally important. They need to regard children’s workers as equal to other members of the leadership team.

All age services
Family services are often the default option when there is no-one to run children’s work. These are difficult to do well – children may get much more out of a session led by a brilliant children’s worker than a preacher who is not trained to dialogue with children – there was a school of thought that many adults would get more from the children’s worker’s style of teaching too! They are often child-orientated, not truly all age. Need to be appropriate for young children, older children, youth, singles, families, elderly, different intellects… Children want to be participants not performers – they need encouragement and opportunities such as being in the band.

There are examples of good practice and we need to find ways of modelling these to churches and providing good training and resources. If we can get this right, then the problem of needing to train ministers in thinking all age will disappear – it will have been their own experience and will therefore be their preferred model.

The selection, employment and training of children’s workers
Some denominations have regulations and structures already in place for advertising, selecting and employing staff – others need to learn from this good practice.

Training of teenage leaders
How does this fit with child protection regulations? How do we ensure we are not using child labour, but are valuing willing contributions?

Do we place enough importance on training leaders to be aware of social issue that will be influencing the children in their groups – what do children typically know about drugs,  dysfunctional families… at different ages?

Rota versus every week commitment
The need for adults to receive spiritual input is often cited as the reason for a rota, but is that an excuse? Current culture means people don’t want long-term commitment, but children and leaders need to build relationships and the lack of relationship can be de-motivating for both adults and children.

The relevance of para-church agencies
How do they fit alongside the mission and work of the church. Churches and para-church organisations need to work in partnership. One size doesn’t fit all and para-church needs to be flexible to work appropriately with particular churches and church groups. Para-church organisations often have skills in and structure round the leadership development of older children and teenagers.

Training and mentoring parentsHow can we help parents as they continue the spiritual development of their children beyond the church meeting. How should church leaders support parents and enable parents to support each other?

There is a need for teaching about spiritual development, for prayer and for social activities – have a meal for all the parents of the members of the junior youth group. What can we learn from school/home partnerships?

Faith development and 10-13s
When children reach the ‘searching’ phase around the age of 10 to 13, how do we help them transition from a faith they have always accepted to a faith they need to personally own? Do we give them the same permission to question that we give to non-church kids? How do we kill the fatted calf for those children who have always walked with the Lord and can’t point to a dramatic conversion moment? We shouldn’t be satisfied to accept that many children will leave church at 10 or 11. Some churches are successful in keeping a high percentage through into their teenage years – what can we learn from those churches?

Leaders’ children are a special category who may have to be there under duress. How does the church community support the whole family – releasing leaders to spend time with their children?

Other topics – not discussed

Building and maintaining vision, including presenting a positive image to kids about church

Kids with special needs – making church fit them, not them fit church

Encouraging boys to participate

Avoiding favouritism (when church children are treated differently to non-church because of relationships with their parents; when cliques develop and exclude the less confident and less able children)